This thing called parenting…

Tessa BowersADHD, Autism, Life

Dance how you want to dance

Life is ever evolving but when you add parenting to the mix, suddenly you feel like you are on one of those loop-t-loop roller coasters.

I used to be the mom of a child with sensory processing disorder with fine and gross motor development concerns.  I’ll be honest, this was hard, frustrating, and lonely.

Last week that changed.

Over the last several months things have changed and unfortunately not in an easier. That parenting thing that is hard no matter where you are in life, shifted and became significantly harder.  Friends and family said, its summer, its her age, its normal.  Well for 4 years I listened to that, then bam I suddenly was the mom to a special needs child.  It wasn’t her age, turns out something was different in her brain.

Lately its been so much harder.  The tantrums, the hitting, the biting, the screaming, and the odd little things you never in a million years you could predict.  Just yesterday the only shirt she would wear had to have a pocket…for her worry stone. We had two tops with pockets.  The first was her favorite it was soft and made her happy…except her right arm pit area.  There was something sharp poking her.  To me it was a soft seam.  To her it was a knife.  The other one…well guess what happened to that stone when she leaned over.  To her, her world was ending.  To me it was looking for another solution.

We are forever adjusting. When we have to go “out” to run errands, you pray none of the above happens, although you know it will. Then it’s not long before the looks and stares start, the eye rolling or the whispering.  Trust me if I could do this alone, I would.  Turns out finding sitters you trust and are willing, are few and far between.

Sadly the lack of support in our society is mind blowing.  Other moms, parents and non parents, judging something they know nothing about.  Its almost impossible to ask for help.  Honestly I’m a helper not an asker, so when I do, please know i’m at my breaking point and it took everything in my power to ask, no matter how close we are.   A little smile or a “you’ve got this mom,” can mean more to any parent whether your child is special needs or not.  Most parents are looking for anything to grasp on too, to help us power through our day.

So stop judging.

Stop whispering.  (You may think we can’t hear you with the rokus around us, but trust me its like a knife slicing through our normal.)

Stop shuffling your kids away and telling them that our kids are naughty.

Just stop.

Just Stop.

Explain to your kids that sometimes others kids (and adults) brains work differently.  They respond and reason differently, or sometimes they can’t reason at all.

Explain to them that its OK to be different, But its never OK to exclude.

I know, I know.  You wonder why your kids have to accept and adjust?  Well because our kids can’t.

My daughter feels and senses it all.  Some call her sensitive and over reacting, others call her an empath, but unfortunately most call her odd. I only pray she doesn’t hear it. Every day i have to explain how its good to be different, to be our selves, to help others, and to not judge. Her anxieties high, she feels the world around her judging and thinks those around her hate her.  How at 6 that word is even in her vocabulary, I will never understand.  Hard to imagine at 6 to have these big feelings.  Its hard enough to talk to a child about this, imagine doing it with a 6 year old that sometimes functions as a 6 year old, a 26 year old, or a 4 year old.

As a mom, I am forever soothing, smiling, and keeping my thoughts to myself while being careful not to trigger her.  To me she is my everything.

Now I am an Autism and ADHD mom.  But most importantly I AM a MOM who will fight tooth and nail for my daughter to have it all, to not be judged, and to never do the judging.  For her to have the support she deserves.

I will Change to be what my daughter needs.

Will you change to be what this society needs?

Will you change?

Apply all the oils and diffuse daily for a better day,

Tessa